Don’t you get annoyed by the people who run from booth to booth as if it was a race, picking up every bit of swag they can get their sweaty palms on? Aren’t you tired of the people who are on their third run through the buffet line at the reception (while you’re just getting in line for the first time)? It’s those mangy freeloaders. They’re always scrounging around for the latest new giveaway at the SIGGRAPH conference. But then, you have to ask yourself, aren’t you being a bit hypocritical? Didn’t a smile slowly creep across your face when you found out that there was free breakfast and coffee at the International Center? Did you not give a whoop for joy when your pal told you there would be free drinks at the party that night? Were you not stopped in your tracks when you saw the boxes and boxes of shirts they were just giving away at no extra charge? If we’re completely honest with ourselves, we will have to admit that there is a bit of a freeloader in all of us. Whether it’s free print jobs at the Guerilla Studio or a free Dreamworks lanyard from the Exhibition booths, we all like to get things without having to reach for our purses or wallets. Hey, it’s a free country, right? Well, just to get an idea of how much free stuff you can actually pick up at SIGGRAPH, I went on a highly adventurous and personally rewarding quest to find all that was free for the taking at the conference. Here is my final inventory:

-AMC SIGGRAPH tote bag

-Savannah College of Art and Design tote bag

-Chapters Party T-shirt

-Houdini T-shirt

-Endorphin T-shirt

-Pixar bronze windup teapot

-Disney Rubik's cube

-Inria lanyard

-Gnomon lanyard

-Inria pen

-Imageworks pencil

-Imageworks breath mints

-ACM SIGGRAPH pin

-SIGGRAPH Boston 2006 pin

-3D Studio Max pin

-University of Illinois pin

-2005 DAZ calendar

-PC game: Need For Speed Underground

-Houdini storyboard pad

-All six colors of rubber SIGGRAPH bracelets

-two SIGGRAPH 2006 posters

-Integrity Ware calculator

-Integrity Ware poster

-Eurographics poster

-Z Brush poster featuring artist Aaron Sims

-Mexican design badge

-Maximum Throughput stopwatch

-Rendercore pen

-Cosmic Blobs squishy ball

-a multitude of promo CDs

-tons of candy

Believe it or not, I would say this is only approximately 65% of the total obtainable loot. So, what does it take to reach the optimum results when building a sizeable collection? The key factor is intuition. You’ve got to have the nose that knows where and when to show up. But even if you’re lacking in swag sense, you can get far with a little research. Ask around; if you see someone carrying possibly free plunder, ask where and how they got it. If you see people forming a line, find out what it’s for. Don’t be bashful. Most people are happy to tell you where to get the goods. I mean, who doesn’t want to contribute to the good of society? And remember, people want to give this stuff away, otherwise they wouldn’t be giving it out in the first place. If you keep your eyes open, remain inquisitive, and observe the masters, you will be well on your way to being an ultimate collector of all that is free. And finally, make a habit of always keeping an empty bag nearby for storing your ever-growing freebie stash. Now I just have to figure out what I’m going to do with all this stuff…